O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
