i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
