I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
