I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize