what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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