We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
