I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
