I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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