just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
