Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
