idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You may now shotgun with the bride
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
