So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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