i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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