I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
