I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
