You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
