if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
