Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
