Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
