i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
