I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
