M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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