Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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