like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
