I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
