Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
