Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
