I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
