Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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