3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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