it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
