and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
