Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
