Have you finally orgasmed yet?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
