I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
