Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
