Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
