It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
