This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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