Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
not ubering you a puppy
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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