I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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