You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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