my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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