I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
