Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
