I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
