Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
MIDGETS
????
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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