i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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