i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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