So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
