You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
