Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
