I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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