How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
