I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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