You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
