Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
