I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Randomize
