Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
