just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
