Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
