he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
