we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
