I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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