I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
