I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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