Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I believe in your delicious
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
