she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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