I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
